If i only could
by SukiKyoufu
Summary: Over; a word that could describe every event that had occurred recently, the war had ended, one side victorious whilst the other side fell, death of comrades or loved ones… that one word described everything. To one person in particular that simple word held various different meanings, each one as depressing as the other.


Just a little drabble i wrote, hope you guys enjoy. This is set post war as if Starrk had died and Lilynette survived.

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_If only I could, make a deal with god…_

Over; a word that could describe every event that had occurred recently, the war had ended, one side victorious whilst the other side fell, death of comrades or loved ones… that one word described everything. To one person in particular that simple word held various different meanings, each one as depressing as the other. She could list off every meaning to you with the look of forlorn upon her face. She was under the belief she had lost everything that day… that nothing was worth living for anymore.

_Get him to swap our places…_

_If I only could_… a pale hand stretched out as if clinging to a distant memory, _a fading memory of you and I…_ her head dropped in defeat, pale green locks hiding the pained expression as the Shinigami dragged her away. There was no fight left in the child her spirit had faded along with her partner, evaporating into thin air along with all her hopes. Memories flooded her by of the good times she had spent with Starrk. To her no memory was a bad memory when he was around, whether it was just being in his presence Lilynette was happy.

"Ha! Where's your army now huh? Tch stupid Arrancar should have killed you anyway" A lowly seated Shinigami spat at the girl kicking the bars she was gripping. They were the only two around in the cell just him and her, A Shinigami with clear hatred and an Arrancar with no faith.

"Do you want to feel how it feels?" Her voice but a whisper, pinks hues downcast not daring to look up. She didn't even flinch when her fingers were crushed against the metal bars…

"Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me?" It was like a whisper in the wind finding its way towards your ears, so quiet that you had no choice but to listen to her words.

Slowly you saw the girl ascend to her feet, gripping at the bars so hard her knuckles had turned white. "Do you want to know about the deal I'm making?" Within an instant her eyes were trained on the Shinigami, lifeless pink eyes staring right through him.

"Eh… w-what… the hell you talking about kid!? SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU!" The Shinigami in question drew his sword with shaking hands, pointing it towards the girl behind the bars. Threatening her with her own life but it was too late; Lilynette did not care for herself no more.

Without him it was meaningless,

Without him she had nothing,

Without him…

She'd rather be dead.

_Tell me we both matter, don't we? You, it's you and me…_ By now tears were streaking down her cheeks, falling to the floor… splattering around her feet. She was a lost child without him, he had always guided her, had always stood beside her no matter what. But now she was stood by herself,

Alone.

"Be running up that hill" Those lovely pink eyes of hers seemed grey and dreary; the colour was draining from her… matching that lifeless aura of hers. Hands began to shake as her grip tightened even more on the bars as if the pressure she held on them would stop the pain. It was all lies she still felt every ounce of it.

"I SAID SHUT UP YOU FREAK!" The Shinigami guarding her was panicking, the look of fear was upon his face as he edged his sword to her neck… pressing the cool blade against her skin. He shook like a leaf as he applied some pressure letting the blade pierce her skin; droplets of blood seeped out, staining his blade though the girl before him kept repeating the same words.

If I only could…

Pink eyes widened in shock, brought from her daze when she felt the sword slice through her neck. Another through her stomach… in a blind panic the Shinigami had stabbed her not just through the neck but through her stomach also. Blood began to pour out of her wounds but it was oddly comforting to her in a way. The warmth spreading across her body as she slid to her knees taking her last breath. He had meant to kill her and that he had, dropping his sword the Shinigami ran from the cell distraught.

Her body slumped to the floor as a pool of blood surrounded her, dying not just her hair but her clothing. Eyes flickered between open and closed as she lived out her last moments. The last thoughts of Lilynette where of her beloved Starrk... hoping that she would be reunited with him.

_And if I only could,_  
_I'd make a deal with god,_  
_And I'd get him to swap our places,_  
_Be running up that road,_  
_Be running up that hill,_  
_Be running up that building._  
_If I only could, oh..._


End file.
